Tag Archives: mental health

Calories: Why You Need More Than They Tell You

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I’ve written about this before, but it’s so important that I decided that it is time for a refresher. It’s important because if you are following the recommended daily allowance of calories, or advice you’ve read on the internet, or used a calorie calculator to try and work out how much your body needs, then you are almost certainly not getting enough energy for your body.

So we all know that currently the RDA is 2000 calories for women, and 2500 for men, but what most people don’t know is that number is too low. Especially if you are under 25. For people in recovery from restrictive eating disorders, it’s wayyyyyy too low. Under-eating is damaging to our bodies and to our minds. People who do not diet and eat by listening to their hunger and fullness cues do not eat the RDA when it comes to calorie intake.

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So let me tell you a story.

In 2009 the calorie guidelines were reconsidered when a study found that energy requirements had been underestimated by 16% (around 400cals). What is telling is how the guidelines weren’t changed to accommodate these new findings. On the NHS website is written

“This news does not mean that everyone can, or should, now eat an extra cheeseburger or its equivalent in calories a day. The advisory committee makes it clear that the revised energy intake recommendations do not mean that people should increase the amount they eat and that, if people do eat more, they will need to do more exercise to avoid being overweight or obese.”

What we have here is science telling us that the current calorie guidelines underestimate the energy REQUIREMENTS, yet we are being told by our medical community and our government to not eat the amount that our bodies need. Regardless of the fact that studies found that we need more energy, the government put this on its website in 2017:

“The new campaign, due to launch in the spring of 2018, aims to help people be more aware of and reduce how many calories they consume from the 3 main meals of the day, in particular when eating on the go. There will be a simple rule of thumb to help them do this: 400:600:600 – people should aim for 400 calories from breakfast and 600 each from lunch and dinner.”

There the government are advising 1600 calories as a rule of thumb, and cited obesity as the reason for this. “As we are the sixth most overweight nation on the planet, we believe it is a sensible thing to do.” A sensible thing to do? To deny scientific findings, which have, by the way, repeatedly shown that the calorie guidelines are inadequate? To me that sounds like irrational fatphobia, and a complete misunderstanding about health, which is a pretty scary thought since this information comes from the government itself, not to mention our health physicians. It shows very clearly how our entire society including the medical community and our government is indoctrinated in diet culture and fatphobia, so much so that they will dismiss actual science in favour of advising that people restrict to stay thin. Even when this is unhealthy. Even when it harms us. How can we accept this?

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So what do we do about providing our bodies with enough energy? As stated above, evidence shows that adult women need around 2400 calories and adult men 2900 calories. This is extremely similar to the calorie guidelines shown on The ED Institute website run by Gwyneth Olwyn, who developed the Homeodynamic Recovery Method (formerly known as the MinneMaud Guidelines). Olwyn has always promoted 3000 calories for men over 25 and 2500 calories for women over 25. Under 25 the recommendations are 3500 and 3000 calories respectively, due to the fact that our bodies continue to grow and develop until around that age. Those who exercise or have children need more energy to cover this. On her website you can read an extremely detailed blog post on why the government approved calories guidelines are entirely inadequate, with far more scientific evidence than this simple refresher.

In remission you will have learnt how to listen and respond to hunger and fullness cues and your body will give you signals in order for you to provide it with the right amount of energy, without counting calories. Until then, it is advised that you keep track of calories in order to ensure that you are getting enough energy for your body (I wrote an entire post on this here). I urge you with all my heart to take note of the science, and take care of your body accordingly. Nourish your body. Respect it. Listen to it. Provide it with what it needs.

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On that note, it is also totally normal for someone in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder to eat far more than the calorie guidelines. This has been coined “extreme hunger” in restrictive eating disorder recovery. Extreme hunger is where you are eating above and beyond the calorie guidelines by quite a bit (e.g. over 4,000 calories). Eating between your guidelines and 4,000 calories is additional hunger but not classed as “extreme”, however the following explanation also applies. The reason you might find yourself eating an extreme amount of calories is because your body has acquired significant damages during your restriction and engagement with disordered and harmful behaviours. Your body needs energy for the day (actual daily guideline amounts – NOT the inaccurate government approved guidelines) but it also needs energy on top of that in order to heal the internal damage done to your body. Some people need more, and some people need less. Some people will find their bodies are calling for a more extreme amount for a shorter period, and some people may find that their bodies are calling for a less extreme amount but over a shorter period. This is something that will taper down in time to settle more around the guidelines, but whilst your body is damaged, it often will need more, and whilst it can be terrifying, it is normal. I always compare it to when burns victims are in hospital and put on a high-calorie diet in order to give the body enough energy to heal the damaged skin and flesh. It is a similar concept in that your body will need more energy on top of daily energy expenditure to restore itself to good health internally. You can read several of my blog posts about extreme hunger that include much more detail here and here. also I have my very own YouTube video on the subject, which you can watch here.

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It is a sad, and frankly terrifying fact that we can not always trust our own government or medical communities to ensure our good health. It is frightening how diet culture and fatphobia are so prevalent in every single area of our society, so much so that we can’t even escape it even when we turn to those whose responsibility is to provide us with accurate information in order for us to be as healthy as possible. What we must do is look for ourselves. Research for ourselves. Critical review the information that is given to us, and then take care of ourselves, and if we can, take care of others by enabling the science to be available to others. And most of all, heal the relationship between ourselves and our bodies, and then listen to them – our bodies have the most reliable information on how much we need to eat, and they share that information with us via hunger and fullness cues. Listen.

You can read my original and more detailed blog post on why we need more calories here.

5 Tips For Coping With January’s Diet and Weight Loss Talk

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It’s January, and we all know what that means: a total inundation of diet talk. It’s EVERYWHERE. TV advertising is filled with diet promotions, “healthy” eating, exercise equipment, gym memberships, and low fat yogurts (although hell, when do those NOT appear in the ad breaks?!). Friends, family, and colleagues are on a mission to lose weight, tone up, or get super heallllltthhyyyyyyy (god, pleeeeeease make it stop). “Lifestyle changes” are being broadcast from the rooftops (it’s still a diet, Susan, don’t kid yourself). It’s really difficult trying to deal with all this talk when you are trying to recover from an eating disorder or dieting, and/or are on a journey towards body acceptance. It can be downright triggering. So here are some tips on how to deal with the diet culture disaster that is January:

1. Set boundaries

I know that this can be really tough for a lot of people, but it is so important. If someone is talking to you about their diet/lifestyle change/new workout routine/how many pounds they’ve lost since only eating lettuce for the past two weeks, or god forbid are trying to offer you “advice”, tell them that it is making you uncomfortable. Hell, tell them that it downright harms you when you are trying so hard to explore a different path. Let them know that diet and exercise talk is not appropriate or helpful for you and that you would appreciate if you engaged in conversation about other topics instead. If they are commenting on your own body or eating habits, let them know it’s entirely not their business.

2. Use facts as a weapon against disordered thoughts

When you are feeling the insidious pull of temptation leading you towards to some sort of restriction, consider the facts:
* Diets don’t work. 95-97% of people who lose weight on diets regain the weight within 2-5 years (if not sooner). They also often end up gaining more weight due to the body trying to protect itself against “famine”.
* Chronic restriction can push people’s set points (their natural, healthy weight that is individual to each person) higher, because the body becomes damaged by getting less energy that it need, and can alter its set point in order to protect itself from harm.
* The metabolism slows as a response to not getting enough energy, and this makes it harder and harder to lose weight – which if you have an eating disorder or have ever been on a diet, you know already.  Leptin levels also drop when our fat levels decrease. Leptin is a hormone produced by the fat cells in our bodies. It exists in the body in proportionate amounts to our weight. Our bodies want to compensate for this loss in leptin and respond by increasing hunger urges, which makes not eating enough super unpleasant – as you know already. Your body does not want to lose weight, and it is going to fight to keep it at its set point.
* Studies show that weight cycling (losing/gaining/losing/gaining) is much more unhealthy than just staying at a higher weight. It increases the risk of developing major illnesses such as cardiovascular disease.
* Restricting often leads to binging, and that’s a signal from your body that you are not getting enough energy on a regular basis. Binging also leads to emotions that are really not fun to experience, and can lead to even more unhealthy behaviours as compensation.  Restriction also leads to obsessing over food, and that means less time for doing things that are important, productive, and enjoyable. In addition, restriction leads to increased cravings – again, not fun to feel, and again, often leads to binging.
* Any type of restriction is a slippery slope. It could easily turn into a full-blown relapse. Don’t risk it.
* Losing weight won’t make you happier. It won’t. We’ve all been there before, ladies and gentlemen. Who’s life was super awesome with an eating disorder/chronic dieting? I’m betting no one at all.
* Did I mention diets don’t work?

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3. Unfollow or mute people on social media who are triggering you

This is advice for anytime of the year, but if people are going on about losing weight, cutting out certain foods, restricting their intake, or exercising then unfollow them. If anyone is making you feel bad about yourself, triggered, or is causing you to compare yourself to them, then unfollow them. If they are a friend or family member that you want to keep on your social media, you can mute their posts, or you can let the know that their posts are negatively impacting on your wellbeing (see tip number 1).

4. Fill your social media feeds with body positive and food positive people

This has helped me so much in the past few years, and is definitely one of the things that gives me ongoing support and a sense of community, hope, and positivity. Start following people who are body positive. Start following people who love food and have a healthy relationship with it. Start following people who are fat, trans, disabled, of other races than your own, etc. Fill your feed with people who are diverse. Fill your feed with people who look like YOU, and people who don’t. Just stop filling it with thin white women (or if you are a guy, muscly white men). Stop looking at people who you want to look like or be like, just because our diet culture told you that’s who you should look like or be like, and start looking at people who celebrate who they are. Start celebrating who you are.

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5. Write down reminders of why you made the choice to try something other than dieting/restricting

There’s a reason that you are in recovery for an eating disorder or chronic dieting. There’s a reason you chose to try going down a new pathway; why you decided to give another option a try. I bet there are quite a few reasons. Write them down somewhere where you can always see them if you need to. If you need any help with thinking of reasons not to relapse, you can check out my blog post ‘Repel the Relapse: 8 Tips for Staying on Track in Recovery from an Eating Disorder‘ or watch my video ‘Reasons to Recover and Reasons Not To Relapse‘ on YouTube.

I know that it sucks to hear the constant chatter about diets, weightloss, exercise, and the body-shaming that comes with it, but you know it’s all for nothing. You know that diets don’t work. You know that it is extremely bad for your physical and mental health. You know it won’t improve your life, or make you happier. Remember remember remember. Grit your teeth, and do your best. You can do this.

Repel the Relapse: 8 Tips for Staying on Track in Recovery from an Eating Disorder

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It happens to us all at some point in our journey from sickness to health: we hear a comment, see a magazine article, or wake up with rose-tinted glasses that throw us back into a tirade of insidious thoughts, ideas, and what if I just‘s.
What if I just exercise more?
What if I just restrict a little bit?
What if I lose just ten pounds?
What if I just cut out xyz?
What if I just…?
And of course: I’d feel so much better if I was thinner.

STOP.
The answer is you won’t. You’ll feel worse. You will always feel worse.

Engaging in eating disordered habits will mean spiralling down right back into the hellish Pit of Misery. You can convince yourself that you won’t end up there, but you will. And even if you don’t, engaging in any kind of eating disordered habits isn’t exactly taking a vacation to Disney World. It’s dark and dangerous, and it is joyless.

Here are some things to think about when you can feel the pull of a relapse:

  1. Ask yourself this: what did your eating disorder give you? How did you benefit from it? Okay, I know it made you thin, but what did you actually gain from being thin? Did it give you stable, healthy relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners? Did it find you a fulfilling job? Did it buy you a nice home? Did it contribute towards your education? Did it make you feel better about yourself? Did it bring you happiness? I imagine the answer is no. Eating disorders help us feel in control (which is only an illusion), but beyond that, they don’t give us anything real.
  2. Think about your own personal reasons for recovery. Write them down and think about them. Is it worth abandoning those goals for the sake of losing weight? Your reasons might include the things mentioned in number 1. They might also include decreased anxiety, trips out with friends, being present in your day to day experiences, keeping your body healthy in order to have children, being involved in your hobbies and passions, being able to enjoy social events, being able to enjoy food, improved sleep, having time to do the things you want to do, dedicating your energy towards enjoying life, being productive and fulfilled by doing things that matter to you and are important, physically feeling a million times better, and regaining your identity.
  3. Use your support network. Friends, family, partners, doctors, therapists, helplines, online support forums – USE THEM! They are there to help you and are often crucial in remaining strong and continuing on in your journey. You may feel ashamed or like you have failed, but that isn’t the case – we all slip backwards at one point or another. It’s all part of the journey. Don’t suffer in silence: seek support.
  4. Eliminate negative influences. Get rid of those triggering gossip/women’s magazines that spout diet culture bullshit. Unfollow those accounts on social media that make you feel like you are doing recovery wrong. Stop looking at that vegan paleo raw blogger who survives off smashed avocado and vegetable juice and works out 7 days a week because it makes her SO HAPPPPPPY (it doesn’t). Follow people who are crushing their eating disorder, eating fear foods, and resting. Follow people who are body positive and food positive. Follow people don’t set rules for what health looks like – because it is different for everyone. Cut toxic people out of your life. Assert your boundaries with your loved ones who comment on your body/food choices/lifestyle/exercise habits or who won’t stop talking about the diet that they are on. Motivate yourself to move forwards by using the positive influence of those who truly push you onward.
  5. If you find yourself missing food here and there, make yourself a schedule. Ensure you eat regularly and consistently. If you find yourself making excuses not to eat, then you may just have to put yourself on a more rigid plan until you are able to go back to eating intuitively. Three meals, three snacks. Adequate amounts, and no excuses not to eat them.
  6. Know your warning signs! If you find you are:
    – Finding reasons not to eat/avoiding situations involving food
    – Increasing your exercise
    – Weighing yourself again/more regularly
    – Worrying about food/weight/exercise
    – Changing the way you dress/hiding your body
    – Body checking/spending time scrutinising your body in the mirror
    – Cutting out certain foods or thinking about cutting out certain foods
    – Desiring control
    – Withdrawing
    – Hiding disordered behaviour from others
    – Feeling like you NEED to change how your body looks
    – Feeling guilt after eating/resting
    then any of these could mean that you are approaching a relapse or in a relapse. If you know what your own warning signs are, and are able to recognise if you find yourself doing/thinking those things, then you will be able to address and resolve the problem a lot quicker. This will enable you to bring yourself out of a relapse/prevent a relapse before it snowballs into something more ingrained. It may also be a good idea to tell your partner, friends, and family what these red flags are so that if you are unable to see them in yourself when they happen, they can point them out and support you in getting back on track.
  7. Remember that recovery isn’t linear, and every setback is an opportunity to learn and take bigger steps forwards. Some of my most important lessons learnt were during the slip ups that I made during my recovery. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and don’t let the tide sweep you up and carry you back. Keep wading upstream, and take the knowledge with you for next time.
  8. Keep busy and use distraction techniques. This list is not exclusive but here are some ideas of what to do when you are sitting with anxiety/guilt/relapse temptations:
    – Watch a movie
    – Read a book
    – Write
    – Paint or draw
    – Blog
    – Collage
    – Knit or sew
    – Research something you are interested in
    – Play XBOX
    – Play games on your phone
    – Do fun internet quizzes
    – Play computer games
    – Call a friend or family member
    – Meet up with someone
    – Watch a documentary
    – Play a musical instrument
    – Do homework
    – Tidy your room
    – Do some internet shopping
    – Take photographs
    – Do puzzles

Write these tips down. Save this article to your bookmarks if it helps. Make a reasons to recover/reasons not to relapse poster or screensaver. Watch my YouTube video on that topic here. Remind yourself how strong and brave and beautiful you are. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna make it through. Keep on trekking on, and you can and WILL beat your eating disorder.

Our Bodies and Us: The New Years Revolution

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Artwork by Marie Boiseau

It’s approaching the New Year (another one already?!), and a lot of people will be suffering with those all-too-familiar post-Christmas blues. And a lot of those negative emotions will be coming from the shame and guilt so many of us feel for eating what we wanted and eating more than we usually would. Our cupboards are filled with leftovers: chocolates; biscuits;  crackers; cakes…not to mention the mountain of cheese in the fridge. We are slumped in front of the remaining Christmas TV and we are being inundated with advertisements. Diet advertisements. Like, seriously, they are really shoving it in our faces this year. Every time I turn on my TV there’s a woman with dead eyes smiling at me, talking about her calorie-controlled diet and how much weight she has lost. Her mouth says “this is great!” but her face says “help me I’m starving!”

The diet and weight loss industry raked in $66 billion in America in 2016, and in 2014 the British diet industry was worth £2 billion (and as far as I am aware that hasn’t changed). The UK has a £20 million laxative industry, and almost two thirds of Brits are on a diet “most of the time”, even though research has showed time and time and time again that diets do not work and that 95% of the time people regain the weight that they lost within 2-5 years (and frequently end up gaining more on top of that). In short, these corporate assholes are making money of our self-hatred, and they will feed into it (excuse the pun) as much as they can so they can continue bringing in the big bucks.

Their biggest secret? IT. DOESN’T. WORK. If it did, everyone who has been on a diet or restricted their intake (which if we are honest is pretty much all of us) would be thin, and we would be thin forever, because that is what a success is: reaching a goal and staying past the goal posts (obviously this is not what I view success as, but in that context that is what people on diets are aiming for). But we aren’t staying thin – if we even get there in the first place. Those who go on diets lose weight, then gain it back again, then find another diet to go on, and then regain the weight (and so on and so forth). Or they don’t lose weight at all. If we want to stay thin, we have to punish our bodies and our minds every single day; something that most people cannot sustain, and something that is extremely damaging. Those that can are nearly always the victims of torturous eating disorders – and some of us will die trying to reach an unattainable goal with ever-moving goalposts.

So this year, let’s go into the new year with a different motive. Let’s choose life. Let’s choose happiness. Let’s choose self-love, and body-acceptance. Let’s see food as just that – food. Let’s see how it brings us together. Let’s eliminate the use of labelling foods as “bad” and “good”, and let’s eradicate the words that send a shudder down my spine “I’m being good” or “I’m being naughty” (oh god I’m shuddering just typing it eaugh). Let’s choose to nourish our bodies with adequate and consistent energy. Let’s face our fear foods and overcome them. Let’s stand in front of the mirror and challenge all the negative things that we feel about our bodies. Let’s support our sisters and brothers in body positivity, and let’s make the promise to ourselves and each other not to waste time on diet and weight talk, and self-deprecating comments. It will take time, and it will be hard, but let’s make this not just a New Year’s Resolution, but a New Year’s Revolution. Let’s fight to end body hate, not be a part of it, even if that means taking it one small step at a time.

 

 

So Now We Have to Lose Weight to Get Surgery

On Sunday I read the news that obese NHS patients will not get non-urgent surgery until they lose weight.

It made me want to cry. I’m a recovered anorexic who is very active and eats a varied and balanced diet and because of that I am both fit and healthy. I also happen to fall into the “obese” BMI category. In order to lose weight I would have to restrict my food and exercise to the extreme, leaving me both hungry and exhausted; pushing my body below the weight that it sits naturally at. This is unhealthy, and it would mean that my physical and mental health would be in decline. I would also end up spiralling back down into a very dark and dangerous place, with even more devastating and continual effects to my physical and mental health. If I required non-urgent surgery, I would therefore have to force my body into a place where it is not at its healthiest, experience distressing physical symptoms, and in the process would be triggered into a life-threatening mental illness that could leave my physical health in such a bad way that it could kill me – if the torture of living with an active and consuming eating disorder didn’t tempt me to end my life first. In short, I would be put in a life-threatening situation in order to get non-urgent surgery. For me, it wouldn’t be worth the risk.

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Artwork by Francis Cannon

BMI is bullshit. All health professionals know this. And if they don’t, then they should: there’s been so much indisputable evidence that shows us that using a basic BMI chart to tell us whether we are healthy or not is ridiculously primitive, simplistic, and inaccurate. To think that I might not have access to the same healthcare as someone thinner than me after working so incredibly hard to get to this healthy and happy point in my life both physically and mentally makes me feel sick.

We all have individual natural and healthy weight ranges that our bodies choose and we maintain when we have a healthy lifestyle. We don’t get to choose that weight. No one else gets to choose that weight. Our bodies determine it. And those people who don’t fit into the “socially ideal” weight category (that literally wasn’t EVER intended as a way to measure health) get punished for it (whilst those who push the “obesity epidemic” and reinforce the stigma and myths around “obesity” profit from it). There is so much overwhelming evidence that it is possible to be healthy at most weights, shapes, or sizes (depending on yourself as an individual and what your own personal healthy weight is), and it is nauseating to think that people will be forced to make a choice that could cause them both physical and mental distress. 

Even regardless of health, “singling out patients in this way goes against the principles of the NHS,” says Mr Ian Eardley, senior vice-president at the Royal College of Surgeons in The Independent.

The article also reports on more details:

Patients with a Body Mass Index (BMI) of over 40 will not be referred for routine surgery unless they are able to reduce it to under that number over a nine-month period.

Alternatively they will be required to shed 15 per cent of their weight, according NHS Herts Valley Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) and NHS East and North Hertfordshire CCG. 

Whichever achieves the greater weight loss will then allow them to be considered for surgery.

Patients with a BMI over 30 but under 40 will also be required to reduce that figure to under 30 or lose 10 per cent of their weight before they are considered for surgery.

This decision is yet another discriminatory act against people in larger bodies in the UK, and I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of being told everywhere I look that my body is “wrong”. I’m tired of watching my category of bodies represented by images of men and women with protruding stomachs and their heads cut out of the shots as if they are nothing but  their size (for example right now I typed in “obese patients will not get non-urgent surgery until they lose weight” into Google and the majority of the images are fat people with their heads chopped off – seriously, I’m so done). I’m tired of things like having a “World Obesity day” following the National Mental Health day – which if it wasn’t so revoltingly ironic, would be laughable, without even addressing the fact that there is literally a day to tell us all how bad and unhealthy our bodies are if we are over a BMI of 30.

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Artwork by Frances Cannon

Despite that, I’m someone who exists in a body that is fairly “average”. Even as an “obese” person, I have an amount of thin privilege. I can fit into clothing at regular stores. My friends laugh as if it is absurd when I say that my body fits into the “obese” category. My booty is the UK’s “average” size (although this booty is anything but average, just saying), and my top half is below the UK’s “average” size (and just so you know the average clothing size for women in the UK is a size 16, which is a US size 12, and in the U.S. the average size is between a 12-14, which is a UK size 16-18). I have only had one health professional (physiotherapist) mention my weight in a negative way (AFTER I had told him all about my previous experience with an eating disorder and described to him my active lifestyle and balanced diet. And boy, did he receive an educational six-page feedback letter on eating disorders and health at every size? Yes he most certainly did). The discrimination that I face is significantly less than those who live in bigger bodies than I do, and it can have devastating effects on mental health.

I don’t want to be fighting to be seen as equal to other people because of my BMI. I don’t want to fight for those bigger and smaller than me to be treated the same. I don’t want to fight to get rid of negative associations with certain body sizes. I just want it to BE like that. Right now. I will, of course, keep fighting this fight, but man, am I exhausted of having to argue with at least one person every time I say that to be obese is okay and that someone who is obese can be just as healthy as someone who is not. And now we have our healthcare to fight for, too.

Hopefully, one day, we will all be at peace with our own bodies, and each other’s, and regardless of our weight, shape, or size, we will be treated equally and our health considered individually. Until then, let’s keep being angry, let’s keep speaking up, let’s keep pointing out the evidence, and let’s never give up.

Artwork by Francis Cannon

A Balanced Diet: What Do Those Words Really Mean?

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We hear it everywhere: in order to be healthy, you need to eat a balanced diet. But what does that really mean? I’m scrolling through Google images right now trying to find an appropriate picture to go with this article, and at least half of the images only show “healthy” foods. You know what I mean: your greens; your grains; your fish; your eggs; your cheese; your meats (the latter four tiny splodges at the top compared to the large array of fruits and breads). A large percentage of the pictures are only of fruit and veg. I mean, come on: I have my own “cheese corner” in my fridge, and no one is ever taking that away from me. Especially not a food chart.

For the most part, the food triangle often used to demonstrate balanced eating is a fairly accurate rough guide, and looks something like this:
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It is a rough guide to the way our diet will look if we listen to our bodies (when energy-balanced and healthy in themselves – not in a state of recovery or beforehand) and follow its cues – and we do not have to do any counting or checking or weighing or recording to trust that this is what our bodies will naturally lead us to do. Our bodies are extremely intelligent and I urge you to listen to them over most external influences.

I also like this pie chart, apart from the wording of “treats”, as these types of foods should just be another part of the pie chart rather than being labelled with a word that holds so many negative connotations.

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What I do like about this pie chart is that it shows that 10% of your diet in a day should include foods deemed “unhealthy” by society. Foods like cookies, sweets, chocolate, cake, biscuits etc. Now this chart shows a representation of your daily diet. If you start to think about it, that means that you can eat these foods every day – something that I have seen demonised in countless magazines and online articles. I have often seen or heard advice that you should only eat “treats” a few times a week, and no way am I giving up my daily dose of baked goods, however much you tell me it’s not good for me, Karen.

The thing is, a lot of us believe the words “balanced diet ” to exclude those yummy foods that are so often seen as the devil. The thing is, these foods are an important part of a varied, balanced diet. They are part of our mental health – because we should not deprive ourselves of anything. They are a good, quick energy source for our bodies, and they are especially helpful to our bodies in recovery because of this. Eating a balanced diet means eating bits of everything. It means not restricting any food types or specific food items, unless you have a food allergy, food intolerance, or you have an illness that requires you to cut out certain foods or monitor them. It means varying what you eat and not eating the exact same thing every day (yeah, I’m talking to you, ED). It means eating foods and consuming liquids that you enjoy. It means getting in those nutrient dense fruit and vegetables. It means providing yourself with an adequate amount of carbohydrates so that you have enough energy for the day. It means having that coffee and cake with Ann, and getting takeaway with Heather, and digging into ice cream and popcorn in front of a movie with Sam. It means changing up your routine. It means being flexible. It means trying out new things. It means going back to old favourites. It means hearty meals, light bites, snacks, and puddings. It means not overthinking it and letting your body lead the way.

So often these wonderful foods like crisps, pizza, and cake are associated with feelings of shame, greed, and overindulgence, and there can be judgement from others when eating them. However, this is only because they also have been made to feel those negative emotions when eating those foods themselves. The thing is, food is not a moral issue (and you can read my article on that here). You are free to eat what you want, when you want. You are free to be as healthy or unhealthy as you want – and that is not anyone’s business. And if you want to be healthy, follow the lead of your body (yes, I will repeat that until my death). If you want to check that you are eating a varied, balanced diet, do a quick valuation of what you eat on an average day or an average week, but don’t overthink it, as this can very quickly descend into a spiral of obsession. As long as every food group is incorporated into your diet, that’s a good sign. And when you’re uhmming and aahing in the cafe with Susan, just get the damn cake.

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To The Bone: Yes, Another Review

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To The Bone is the hot topic right now in the eating disorder community: amongst those who are suffering, those in remission, and professionals who work with people with eating disorders. There are reviews being written about it left, right, and centre, and unfortunately I am here to throw my unoriginal opinion into the mix. I know that what I am about to write has been said already, but I wanted to join the conversation. Here are my thoughts on To The Bone below.

(GIANT SPOILERS ALERT FOR THE CONTENT BELOW)

What was wrong with it:

It shows an overly represented narrative

Eli is a straight, white young woman from a wealthy family, which is totally great, because I’ve just never seen that narrative be explored before. Not. How many times have we seen this in the media? Over and over and over and over again. Quite frankly, I’m bored of seeing emaciated white women counting their ribs in the mirror as their white panties hang off their hipbones. Not that their suffering is invalid, but because the suffering of others is just as valid and I’m not seeing them represented anywhere. Where are the black girls with anorexia? Where are the average weight women? Where are the men (I know, a man was included in To The Bone, but he was not the main character – it was not his story)? Where are the girls with bulimia (the one girl with bulimia got about a minute and a half of screen time) and the men with anorexia athletica, and the elderly? Or just anyone who isn’t white having any other eating disorder than binge eating disorder? We don’t see these people in leading roles, or talked about in magazines, or depicted pretty much anywhere, and they are a huge portion of people with eating disorders. The straight white wealthy female narrative is overdone. It is cliche, it perpetuates myths and stereotypes, and it is damaging for a large portion of those with eating disorders who do not see themselves represented anywhere, and therefore, feel that their pain is invisible, and that they are not sick enough to be noticed.

The lead actress – a recovered anorexic – starved herself for the role and then gave ridiculously problematic interviews about it

Lily Collins said that it was a “scary process,” but “I knew that, this time, I would be held accountable for it. I would be [losing weight] under the supervision of a nutritionist and surrounded by all these amazing women on set. So, I knew that I would be in a safe environment to explore this.” Do you know what is not safe in any environment? BECOMING EMACIATED. Do you know what is especially not safe in any environment? BECOMING EMACIATED WHEN YOU ARE IN REMISSION FROM ANOREXIA NERVOSA. The genetic predisposition for an eating disorder is triggered by energy deficit. A recovered anorexic cannot just lose weight and be safe. You cannot say that it is alright just because you are supervised by a nutritionist. Becoming emaciated always comes with risks, and becoming emaciated as a recovered anorexic opens the gateway as wide as you possibly can for the eating disorder to stroll right on through. Immersing herself into the role is also another huge risk factor for relapse. The point of this is not that I care about her health in particular, because after all she is an adult and she has the choice over what she does with her life. The point is that she is responsible for the way in which she takes care of herself and for the messages she gives out when she knows that a movie like this is going to attract a huge number of vulnerable people, most of them young. Saying that she lost weight in a healthy way to become incredibly underweight sends out the message to people with eating disorders that they can starve themselves and this is totally okay as long as they do it in a certain way – the “healthy” way. This is not helpful. It is damaging, and she should have been way more aware of the position she is in and how what she says will be heard by others. There is no way to starve yourself in a healthy way. Ever. She also said that she didn’t think she would fall back into it because she is “more mature”, as if that makes any difference whatsoever to the development and maintenance of eating disorders, or of the relapse into them. Eating disorders don’t just leave you alone because you grew up. Honestly, for someone who has had an eating disorder, she sure is giving interviews like she is entirely ignorant of them.

The director also said to PEOPLE that Lily Collins losing weight for the role was a conversation that they had and that part of it was “how do we keep you safe, and not at a dangerous weight that’s going to be triggering for you.” In what world was the weight she was at not dangerous for anyone? In what world was it not triggering for anyone with anorexia, let alone herself? I don’t know what planet these guys are living on, but it’s not the same one as the audience of this film.

The psychiatrist is an idiot

He is meant to come off as cool and modern with all the dramatic swearing (how scandalously hip of him!), “revelations”, “wise” and “meaningful” words, and trips to rain installations, but to me he just looks like he sucks at his job. For example, the first time is meets Ellen, he tells her that he is not going to treat her if she is not interested in living. Sorry, what?! Many people with eating disorders struggle to find reasons to live for and part of treatment can be helping someone to find them. He also dismisses family therapy after one session. Therapy is difficult. Family therapy can be a nightmare. But it is through this that many things can be explored and sometimes resolved. You don’t just give up on it in one session, and to me, it looked like that session brought up a number of issues that needed to be addressed. He also tells her that he doesn’t like her name and that it doesn’t suit her and tells her to change it. Maybe this was some sort of point about making a new identity for herself, but it came off as rude and inappropriate. And since we are on the topic of inappropriate, it is highly unlikely that a professional in his position, as a male, would be in her room alone with her at night. Just saying.

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The love story overshadowed the whole thing and was incredibly unhealthy

“I need you, Eli,” Luke, the love interests, says as Ellen leaves the unit after feeling completely overwhelmed. Luke puts Ellen on a pedestal and then continuously pushes responsibility onto Ellen for his wellbeing. He spends the entire time demanding things of her: things that often she feels she cannot do, and when he gets pushy and she snaps, he gets all upset and butthurt. This is not romantic, and this is not what should be portrayed as a good relationship. As their relationship grows, he insensitively (and that is putting it lightly) brings up the topic of sexual abuse and asks if she has been sexually abused, saying that it’s a thing amongst “us rexies” (seriously, rexies?!). He then proceeds to tell her that she needs to be touched by someone who cares about her. That’s right: needs. Nothing like a bit of sexual coercion to set a really good example to an audience of predominantly vulnerable young women. And don’t get me started on the idea that women just need to fall in love with a “great guy” in order to find a reason to recover…

There was a weird, psychoanalytical scene that came out of nowhere

Near the end of the film, when Ellen is coming to the end of her tether – or her life – Ellen stays in her mother’s yurt. Her mother starts to talk to her about her experience of postnatal depression after Ellen was born, and how she did not hold her enough and how her pastor suggested feeding Ellen like a baby in order for Ellen to heal from the neglect she had experienced in the past from her mother. Ellen wants to think about the idea, but as her mother leaves says “mom, please feed me.” Her mother then sits Ellen in her lap like a baby and proceeds to feed her from a baby bottle. The scene to me was uncomfortable and totally out of context. If more was explored and developed from this angle, I don’t think it would have come off as such a strange scene, but it was totally out of the blue. It also directly proceeded Ellen’s “revelation” scene, as if being fed by her mother was so healing that it led directly onto a pathway to recovery. It was completely oversimplified, as was the next scene which leads me onto…

Ellen’s revelation moment was ridiculous

Ellen has a dream about being a healthy weight in a tree. She looks down and see herself, curled up in a foetal position, on the ground, naked and emaciated. “Is that me?!” she asks, shocked. When she wakes, she has the drive to recover, and returns to the unit in order to get better. I know that this was an interpretation of the director’s experience, but as a director you must know that you are not just sharing your version of events but also sending a message to the world. This airy-fairy scene is, to me, undermining, and made the transition from wanting to stay sick to wanting to recover look as easy as switching on a light in a dark room, when for many it is months and months of indecision and struggle before they are finally able to give themselves permission to make the arduous but invaluable journey towards freedom.

It glamorises eating disorders

They did not seem to do too well in their quest for awareness with eating disorders let’s be honest, and just like nearly all media, it has also successfully glamourised eating disorders. Beautiful Ellen, with her smoky make up, cool clothes, and sarky attitude, who doesn’t give a shit and eye rolls at every given opportunity. She just doesn’t seem to make eating disorders seem all that bad, does she? Then there are the discussions of behaviours and weight loss strategies within the eating disorder unit that she stays in. There’s the quirky boy that she falls in love with, and the handsome psychiatrist, and almost no discussion about what actually goes on inside the head of someone with an eating disorder. All we see is Ellen pushing food around her plate; Ellen doing sit ups in bed; Ellen fainting; Ellen rejecting food; Ellen getting thinner thinner thinner. All we are seeing here are the physical symptoms and behaviours of eating disorders, and when you don’t see the torture going on in someone’s minds; when there is barely a conversation about it, then how is it going to look like the hell it is to vulnerable people watching it? How does it dissuade people from carrying on into darkness; how does it help people to seek help; how does it educate those who don’t have eating disorders themselves? The truth is, it doesn’t. Not in any shape or form.

It isn’t even interesting

To The Bone is – to put it bluntly – boring. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t challenge any myths or stereotypes. People who are knowledgeable about eating disorders haven’t learnt anything new, and neither have those who aren’t. It is a non-film: at best, people will watch it and come away with nothing new. But at worst, as discussed above, it sends out damaging messages to those susceptible to them.

So what’s right with it?

It acknowledges the effect that eating disorders have on loved ones 

During family therapy, and at other points in the film,  the affect that this pervasive and deadly illness has on everyone around them was depicted. This was a positive aspect of this movie, as often stories about people with eating disorders are very much focused on how the main character is affected and does not show the way in which it disrupts the lives of loved ones and the immense pain it causes them.

It acknowledges the hunger

“I’m really fucking hungry. Like two years worth of hungry,” says Luke at one point. I practically whooped at this small but important acknowledgement of the intense hunger that people in recovery often experience, and how this is quite clearly obvious. It is hunger from years worth of damages, and it is there for a reason. The body wants to heal!

It shows a tragic consequence of having an eating disorder

One of the women in the house is pregnant, but she goes on to have a miscarriage. I thought that this was the most moving scene in the film, and shows what eating disorders can do to eating disorder sufferers, outside of the usual symptoms that are often shown.

It did depict one male character with anorexia

Which is great. (But he was still an asshole).

So in conclusion…

Overall, this film to me wasn’t worth making. The only real positive that I can see from the making of this film is that it has provoked conversation across all social media sites. People are naming what is wrong with this film and that sparks debate: debate that will hopefully be educating people. Unfortunately, those involved with reading these sorts of articles will nearly always be those who are already well-versed in eating disorders, whereas the film will have a widespread audience and was a chance to educate people who would not otherwise engage on eating disorder topics. Whilst for many it will be a fleeting moment in their lives, for others it could have a negative impact that could be a factor in propelling them towards unhealthy habits with devastating consequences. Let’s just hope not.